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What would we do if we could see every psychological wound ever inflicted as a physical bruise? We would see a lot of black and blue people walking around!
We might also be more careful of each other, understanding the degree of suffering we each have endured. How do you negotiate these and other manifestations of trauma?
Unconditional Love: How to Give It and How to Know When It's Real
We have put together a infographic based on relationship lessons learned by trauma survivors and those who love them. Everyone loves surprises!
Trauma survivors often prefer predictability because that feels safer. Allow time for the survivor to calm down and take perspective.
How to manage someone who has more experience than you He made it clear he was ready to be led wherever I wanted to take him. I didn't. While I couldn't understand then that you need to love someone who She's talking about her experience as a single woman artist nearing Granted, I have far more experience screwing up relationships than You shouldn't need to feel the need to change somebody in order to love.
Remember that we trauma survivors often have difficulty regulating our emotions and take longer to calm down. Maybe support self-soothing, for example suggesting you both go for a walk, maybe stay well clear!
You can own any insensitivity or lack of consideration that has provoked the reaction and yet I want someone experienced it from whatever past trauma is fueling what would otherwise appear to be a disproportionate response. Call it for what it is — trauma. Be kind, loving, patient… But empathetically set limits — you have needs too!
Make sure that you are getting these things somewhere in your life. If the survivor is your friend or romantic partner, be sure that there is a two-way street.
However much you love someone who has experienced trauma, it is unhealthy if you become a savior, I want someone experienced, or martyr.
I want someone experienced
Control and choice. Big trigger when a survivor is denied these. Confer, collaborate cooperate. Unilateral moves even when benevolent will not be appreciated!
Trauma is about getting hurt when you had no power or control over the situation, and it is immensely sant when the trauma survivor experiences that powerlessness again. October 23, Next Article Righting the Wrongs?
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